What's New...

Well we sort of cracked open that door to see what we might will consider for future children.

I finally went back to see my dr after not having gone since my six week postpartam appointment. Last time I was there I had two tiny little babies in my arms and this time I went alone. My "babies" at home with a babysitter.

I had been putting off this appointment for over two years. I had really been due to go back when the boys were about 4 months old. Whoops. I was so busy then I just forgot. I forgot until it became a "but I don't want to go back" situation. Nothing is more painful to a woman who has ever struggled with infertility or loss than sitting in a room full of pregnant women. I didn't quite remember that feeling until I walked through those doors and it hit me like a huge wave. My only thought was...

"Holy crap...I'm doing this again..."

One of the first things she asked me was if we were planning on more. Of course I start with that we had one frozen but... and she finishes and says "you guys want to see what else you can do?"

yea....

even though we all know where this path leads.

So she says she'll give me a lab sheet to check my levels again but after reviewing my past labs she would side with what the reproductive endocrinologist said.... my eggs, my body are not likely the block in us getting pregnant naturally. She especially doesn't feel like I have full blown PCOS, this became clear when I didn't over produce eggs during IVF. PCOS women tend to massively overproduce. I had 14 and 16 which are pretty average numbers. The first time only 5 were mature and the second time 14 were. During IVF they couldn't give me a reason as to why my eggs were responding the way someone 10 years older than me would but it doesn't mean that that's what happens every time. It could have been the stress of IVF, or the suppression medication given to control my cycle(that lovely drug lupron that I hate so much) or just that I didn't respond to those medications used. My labs have never shown that I have premature ovarian failure so this shouldn't be an issue. I guess we will see what the new labs show.

One issue that may come up is that I had some very mild endometriosis when I had my laparoscopy done years ago. That endo could have grown back but I may not know because I no longer get cramps or pain. I had an amazing RE that clipped those nerves. I know all my female friends are jealous. Even my Dr laughed and said "oh wow that's nice!"

She of course adds at the end that if we really want to know what our odds are we need to have Patrick checked again. Of course. We know this. We went over his labs from the last one done....low count, low motility....and the kicker....0% morphology. Her response: "wow 0%..." google the trifecta of severe male infertility and that's our life.

One thing we do know is that he didn't always have 0% and it's not certain that he always will have 0%.

I guess we will have to see.

For now we have slightly cracked open that door. To be honest I'm still in the phase that I would be completely ok with Nolan and Corbin being a little older. Those IVF odds are always in the back of my mind though. Under 30 has the best odds and between 35-37 it drops significantly. If we ever use our one frozen and it doesn't work we would be left with a big decision on how to continue.