What a day

Ok so to start...after my blood work I went to the IVF office to ask about my embryos. One did not make it and the other.....a BC :(. She told me it was not of high enough quality to be frozen so it was discarded. I then asked the admin person if there was room left in the Sept cycle and she told me no that I would have to wait until the Jan cycle. I left there in tears. I was crushed.

Nicole called later with the news which I told her I already knew and skipped to my questions about getting into the next cycle. She said that it would be tight but that she would try and work us into it. It may not happen so we're still looking into other options but there is a small chance.

I was so angry when I was told that it was closed. I really felt like it was the icing on the cake. I was completely done. We were told on the day of our baseline that if this cycle failed we could move right into the next one. I hated them at that moment (if you are friends with me on facebook then you know that I let my emotions get the better of me...lately that happens a lot) Nicole changed that a little for me...not a lot...but a little. I'm still mad but a little less now...and maybe I don't hate them...just dislike them. Maybe if we do get into the Sept cycle they can change that for me too.

If not then we are looking into other options. EVMS has a great program I heard about and one of their research interests is using a higher powered microscope to look at the sperm for ICSI. Which I think would greatly benefit us. I like that research MUCH better than I do Walter Reed's single embryo policy. EVMS also has a cost shared program and payment plans. I also looked at MCV and a few REs in the Richmond area. One has a great cost share program with 4 fresh IVF cycles and an unlimited number of frozen cycles for however many embryos you are able to have frozen. The cycle isn't considered successful until a baby is brought home from the hospital. Unlike most cost shares which only cover you getting pregnant and staying pregnant up to a certain point.

I'm gearing myself up to do this all over again. I have less than a month to work off the 10lbs from this cycle (it's not uncommon for women to gain 10-15lbs with each IVF cycle) and I go back on birth control. Which sucks because I gain weight on those already and I need to get off what I put on this cycle. Most REs do a WTF(why the fail....or...what the...yea you know what goes here) meeting after a failed IVF but Walter Reed does WTF phone calls. So I should be getting one of those next week. I already have a list of questions.

So I started off my day completely sad and angry. I'm ending it somewhat relieved that it's over and hopeful that even if we don't get into the next cycle that at least we may have some options. We'll make it work. I know I've talked to a lot of people today who may have just recently become aware of our situation and I just want to say thank you all for your support. Those that have known all along and ones who approached me after my emotional vent on facebook. Thank you. It means so much to know we have so many people who care about us.