Today was our first blood work appointment after starting stim meds. I got voice mail this afternoon to drop my Gonal-F down to 37.5. It was at 75 and was 75 the entire time last cycle. My fear is that I have some dominant eggs growing to fast. My sides have been hurting a lot and they didn't feel like this until a few more days into the last cycle. I'm sorta feeling like our hope of stimming longer to get more mature eggs isn't going so well. I'm really looking forward to the sono on Thursday so I can hopefully have some reassurance that everything will be ok.
As for going to work after...it wasn't so bad. Thursday will be rough because I'm not sure I will be fully recovered after today. I did make it in on time so hopefully I can get there earlier on Thursday and still make it to work on time even after a sono. We walked in at 6am today and I was number 8 in line so we'll need to be there around 5:30 to get an even lower number.
I've been feeling really emotional. Especially towards people who don't seem to realize how lucky they are to have their babies or to be pregnant. I hear often how stressed they are to moms how their life is so hard. I realize parenting is hard and sleepless nights up with a newborn make for an emotionally and physically exhausted parent but for one second think about what your life would be like sleepless, physically and emotionally exhausted, wanting so badly to have that family you dreamed of but you can't.
Sure if this doesn't work. I will survive. Our life will go on. It would be hard and I can't help but to think about the possibility of having to live my life without being able to have children. I have never wanted anything more in life than to be a mom to experience becoming a mom. I would need to re-learn how to live my life. Just like someone who envisioned being a runner would need to re-learn how to live their life after losing their legs or becoming paralyzed. Sure accomplishing your dreams are still possible but just in a different way. Research has shown that women with infertility experience levels of stress equivalent to women with cancer, AIDS and heart disease. There is no doubt that we have been under a great deal of stress in the past few months.
For all of you that have continued to support us THANK YOU SO MUCH! It means so much to know we have so many people that care about us.
Good luck!
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